The pros and cons of dating an older man

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I’ve been asked time and time again, “why do you date older men?” And I used to get a little offended because I’m thinking, “how dare they be so bold!” Honestly, I’ve learned to appreciate the straight-forward questions from friends and strangers alike. It’s our human nature to be curious about things we don’t understand and it’s not always coming from a judging standpoint. (Though, I do get a lot of judging questions as well.) Since I’ve been married, no one has asked me that anymore. I guess they figured something worked?

Since I’ve been married, no one has asked me that anymore. Those questions turned into “How much older is he than you?” or “What would you say are the pros and cons of dating an older man?”

I guess they figured something worked? Hince, why I’m typing this post!
First of all, older doesn’t mean old! Dating older men used to be the norm for those in classic old days then somewhere in time when women starting getting rights and making their own decisions, it slowed down. Now, dating older men seem to be coming back again (I think?)  Why go after a guy who didn’t even go to the same high school as you, or if he did, it was in a way different time. Or someone who is working in his career for the last 5 years while you’re still working on graduating college.

Now, for some people they ask “Why go after a guy who didn’t even go to the same high school as you, or if he did, it was in a way different time”. Or someone who is working in his career for the last 5 years while you’re still working on graduating college.
Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it? But that’s not the only thing. It’s all about perspective and what you are looking for in a mate. This is all from my personal experience and my own opinion. Of course, it varies from guy to guy. Not all men are the same and not all older men are mature.
Before I get into the pros and cons, I would like to explain why I always dated older guys. No, it wasn’t that I pinpointed every older guy I saw and was instantly interested because he was older. Somehow, that’s how things always seemed to work out. I would meet a guy who’s my age or younger and would be suddenly turned off by something silly like him drawing pictures of male parts on things or not holding the door open for me or asking me why don’t I wear high fashion name brand clothing. Maybe I was a bit old fashioned (I always admired the men in the 1920s. They seem like they were such gentlemen!) I don’t know.
I’ve had way more in common with older men, believe it or not. I usually lucked out on not getting a total jerk for a guy. This is not saying I have not encountered jerks. They all were “lessons” up to my final boyfriend who became my husband.

I’ve met older men who meant me no good and just wanted what I had physically to offer instead of trying to build something solid. Sometimes, they would think that you are just a young girl who doesn’t know much about life and try to get over on you. Maybe being with a younger girl somehow boosts their egos and make them feel like they “still got it”. Those are the ones you have to look out for!

On another side, I’ve met older guys who genuinely just liked the way I made them feel. For example, everything wasn’t so serious and uptight. We can relax and have fun and maybe I reminded them of their good days they took for granted?

Of course, older guys do know just what to say to get you to be like “Awww!! He is so sweet!” That’s if they have learned anything.

Now, before you go thinking that I’ve been with all these guys, it really hasn’t been that many. I do learn from other people in my social circle as well. And being in college, you have a lot of time to meet a lot of people.

Ok, let’s get cracking on this list! Here are my Pros and Cons of dating older men!

Pro:  Older guys generally been through life long enough to experience things and learn from them. 

What I mean by this is, they have a general idea of how women work and think. Depending on how he’s been raised, older guys tend to be more gentlemen-like. They tend to be more patient and understanding. A lot of times with that, they tend to be more laid back. Instead of going out clubbing or bar hopping, they prefer to have a dinner and drinks or stay at home. Or anything that isn’t jumping around in a mosh pit! This is of course if we are speaking of an older guy who isn’t stuck in his bachelor days mode and still like going to clubs.

Pro: They don’t like to play games. 

Now, this can be both. I say this because some people love to “play games” and I’m not talking about board games or video games. I’m talking about the old fashion cat and mouse game we all tend to play in the beginning of any new relationship. Some like to play it cool and not let all their “assess” show until later on when everyone is comfortable. Well, from what I’ve learned, older guys prefer to put everything on the table. No surprises. What you see is what you get. That can be a great thing! You’ll always know what’s going on and where they are coming from. Though, if you are the type to try to make him jealous when you guys have an argument or if you choose to ignore his calls because he didn’t text you “Goodmorning” after a what you thought was a great date, then you are in for a surprise! Not saying he will get mad and blow up but they don’t like all that stuff and can you blame them? They’ve been there and done that and that’s usually something they did not enjoy. Plus, they know what you’re up to. They know you’re just trying to make them sweat or want attention. Best thing to do is be upfront and tell them what you’re thinking or feeling. It will make things so much easier.

Pro: They know what they want.

After lots of relationships and flings, you’d think a guy would know what he likes and don’t like about a woman he’s interested in. Most of the time, they do and if you are what he’s interested in, you’ve already gotten past the hard part (and that’s wondering if he really likes you.) Think about it. He could have someone else, anyone else but for some reason, he’s talking to you. Especially if he’s an attractive man of high demand from other women. So, if he is all over you, he wants you. Believe him. (unless he’s the player type, then that’s another story).

Pro: Security.

With a lot of older men that are well set in their careers and figured out what they want in life, you will find that being their partner offers security. Some men, however, do not want to just completely take care of you and you do nothing at all. That’s not a partnership. On a flipside, there are a few who do feel that they are the man so that means they take care of financial responsibilities. As I said above, be upfront with expectations from the beginning. Another security older men offer is being secure in always having someone who has your back. Someone who understands commitment and isn’t afraid of it or think they are going to miss out on the next biggest things because they know what is important. (I guess, that whole 80/20 rule comes to play.) And they usually want to make you happy so in addition to doing things like getting your hair done, expect practical gifts that you need versus want. For example, your printer broke and you need it for work, guess what you’re getting for your birthday!



Con: Most men never really grow up.

This is so not a diss towards older guys or guys period but come on, I’ve seen and heard time and time again about how guys tend to still do things they did as kids or still laugh at fart jokes. Or want you to take care of them and us as wives, why not? They take care of us, so why not take care of them? And what about the guys who don’t like going to the doctor? Yes, it’s like having another kid that you have to schedule appointments and drag to the doctor!

Con: They usually have a “messy ex” somewhere. 

We all make stupid decisions. This means that somewhere in their lifetime, they have run across another female counterpart who got the best of them without good intentions. It happens to everyone (unless you don’t date) and some people don’t learn their lessons or it takes them a while. I’m also not saying that women don’t have a messy ex somewhere or another but this post is about dating older men so it’s all about ….men! They will always fall for a girl (usually in their younger years) based on looks or if they are heartbroken and trying to move on or just plain promiscuous. Why is this a Con? Well, because sometimes the ex flares up again and sometimes causes problems between you and your guy. IF he is a mature older guy, he would be able to keep it from becoming a huge problem. Like I said, they usually don’t like drama and that’s why the messy ex is an ex!

Con: Women around his age will hate you.

This is not saying that ALL his friends that are women or just women around him will hate you, but it’s very close. I have come across some women who seem to be upset that we were together, not because I have personally done something to them. It was because they either wanted him for themselves or upset thinking that he must be going through a midlife crisis and left someone his age and had to be a sugar daddy. That’s not always the case but you do have some people who are jealous or judgemental or just plain negative. You have to ignore them and just be happy with your life with your guy. Think about it from their point of view. You’re with a man who is established, what could you possibly have to offer that he would really want other than being a trophy piece? Some people think when you’re with someone you’re supposed to grow old with them and that’s impossible if you’re with someone halfway to the grave than you are.  Newsflash! People are living longer now! I have noticed that’s one of the reasons that people feel you shouldn’t date older than 3-5 years.

Con: It will be hard to hang out with each other’s friends.

You ever went on double dates with friends and it was fun because everyone was synced one way or another? Yea, it kind of gets awkward here. Let’s say his friends are more laid back and married. Your friends are still in their wild/don’t care stage, still want to go to the club or the hip places. Where is the middle ground there? His friends are going to look at your friends like wild teenagers and your friends are going to look at them like stiff old people. Not saying you can’t have some friends that are into what you like or around the same age but its kind of hard. I’ve found myself making friends with other kid’s parents and a lot of times they are between my age and my husband’s age which works. Plus, I’m not much of a party-harder anyway.



With my experience, dating older taught me a lot about myself and even inspired me to do better in my life as far as in what I want out of life. For me, I always had a goal for the things I wanted to do and so far, I have accomplished most of them. There’s always going to be new things I want to do and try and sometimes it can be hard to try new things that you both haven’t done yet. We still have fun and still explore and learn new things all the time and we don’t let many or any in our personal life especially those who aren’t contributing anything that is helping. I know it sounds mean but it’s a lot less stressful keeping opinionated people out of your business instead of telling them everything that goes wrong.

Bottomline: Do what makes you feel happy. Simple. Don’t worry about what other people think. It’s so not unheard of for younger girls to date older men and someone is always going to have something to say. Be stronger than their words. They aren’t the ones who are going to have to live with the guy after all.

Until next time, love hard! 🙂

 

 

How to save money on your wedding

Disclaimer: Pictures I used for this post are downloaded from www.pexels.com which is a royalty-free stock image site used for commercial and personal use. You can also donate to the photographers which is pretty awesome!

I’ve been married for almost 2 years and I’ll tell you before my big day I would have loved to have some good personal experience advice on saving money. Weddings are so expensive. I think that’s why it takes some a year or so of planning. It also helps to have a good wedding planner and some really good friends who are more than willing to help!

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a year to plan everything. I had to pull my wedding together in 6 months! That’s engagement photos, planning and everything in between. It was exhausting.  I also had to do all this while working long hours and taking care of my (at the time) 10-month-old.  Talk about stressed to the max!

So, I wanted to share some of my advice on how I would have saved more money and still had a good time and not go completely broke. This is of course if you don’t want to go to the courthouse.

Here are my list and advice on how to save money on your wedding!

Day of the week matters. Some places you will look into will come out cheaper on a Sunday even though it’s traditional. I assume that since in modern day times, most people have to go back to work on Monday and Sundays are still considered the “chill-be-lazy-day” and most people are not going to feel like going to a dressy occasion when they worked so hard all week. They just want to relax! With that being said, Friday and Saturdays have become the most desirable days to have weddings! Especially if there is drinking and partying after.  Friday and Saturdays are the most expensive! But if you don’t want to do Sunday, I would recommend Saturday. Yes, it’s still expensive but when you are keeping your guest in mind, most work on Fridays and might not be able to get off or if they usually get off at 5, your wedding will have to be an evening wedding and for some reason, that’s less desirable as well. (in my experience.)  Sundays are your best bet in most cases for cheap, but Saturday will be the most convenient day for guest.calendar.jpeg

Buy your dress from a warehouse or online and get it altered. Noone has to know you didn’t spend $3000 on your dress. A $150 dress can look just as good as a $3000 and NO ONE will know the difference. Trust me. Plus there are simple things you can do to make it look like a million dollars! If you’re creative, this is a fun project to work on! Those expensive sashes from the bridal stores are at least $50….for just a cloth belt with custom jews on them. Rip off! Go to the fabric store, buy some nice fabric, get some cute jews from the hobby store and make your own sash! See! You’ve already saved $40! Michael’s art store always have great coupons on regular priced items so, you’ll save regardless! And Amazon has great dresses at great prices, too!

Same for shoes. Some brides are doing the “hip” thing and wearing quirky shoes like Chucks or cowboy boots that go along with their themes or just cute for picture opportunities. If you are planning on going more traditional with heels, you can find good deals on heels online! eBay, Amazon (my fave!), just fab and even Zulily has had some great prices on some cute shoes! I’ve found people selling their barely used shoes on Facebook Market (you have to join some of these groups, though.) Or going to second-hand stores (Plato’s closet). I’ve found one of my bridesmaids’ shoes from Rack Room Shoes on sale and they were cute! (Rack Room usually has their buy one get one 1/2 off sale going on always.)

Let your bridesmaids wear dresses that flatter them. No one is going to steal your shine because you’re the one who’s wearing the white dress. Plus it’s also in style to do non-matching dresses. They can be all the same color or a gradient of colors or same fabric. Unless you only have a small number of bridesmaids or they are all the same body type and you just really want everyone to match, go for it. It’s your day but honestly having everyone pick their own dress, gives them more freedom and lets the other girls who aren’t waiting on you hand and foot have a chance to be involved. Don’t forget to ask them to let you approve of their choices, though. It’s still your day, however.

Side note: Choose your bridal party wisely. This isn’t necessarily saving money but the more people you have in your party, the more expensive it will be.

Grooms…guys have it so easy. If not suits, just dress shirts, slacks and ties are nice. And looks nice, too. Most guys already have something like this in their closets.

Flowers, go fake. You can keep them forever and they will always look nice and give your bridal party a piece to take with them from that day. Dress it up with trinkets from Hobby Lobby or Michaels.

Go to Costco or Sam’s for “fantasy” cutlery. They have hard plastics that look just like real silverware and plates too! While you’re at it, buy some booze too! You always save money when you buy in bulk! Of course, you’ll need a membership but if you don’t, there’s always a friend who has one or they have those 30-day free trails sometimes to get new members to sign in. You really only need a basic membership to do this anyway.

Decor and Centerpieces. Awesome but cheap table decor can be pictures of you and hubby when you were dating, engagement photos, baby pics, family pics etc. Put them in nice frames (dollar store or TJ Maxx). Add some flare with battery operated lights or candles or rose petals. Depending on your theme if you choose to have a theme. pexels-photo-169190

Make your own wedding invitations and announcement or use social media in a private page to save on paper! If you have a printer at home and rather do it yourself, you can also get fancy paper from art supply stores or office supply stores, and print yourself. Remember, simple is better and it doesn’t have to be a 5-page booklet on the history of both families and why you guys chose to get married in March. Short simple, sweet and to the point shall do it.

Can’t really skip on quality photography unless you don’t care about how your pics look. But I would also suggest if you want to be kinda cheap, you can find a photography major at a college and use them. Paid, of course. Be sure to look at their work. Since they aren’t professional, they shouldn’t charge a lot but they shouldn’t charge $1000 starting out. Or use Fiverr. You will be surprised at what you’ll find on Fiverr.


Going a little distance to save. If you don’t mind going the distance, go a little out for venues. Most of the time, you’ll find cheaper venues out in the middle of nowhere or just anywhere not in the city or a popular place. Or you can do it in a friend’s yard who has a nice yard or a park?pexels-photo-169198

Food in bulk. Catering companies usually up the price in caters 30% when weddings are mentioned. Yes, it’s true. Go buy a cake and say it’s a wedding cake and see how much that’s going to cost.  I would suggest something you could buy in bulk from another warehouse store. Costco or Sam’s Club. or somewhere with really good food that offers catering. If you’re having an outdoor theme, BBQ can be messy but it’s a crowd pleaser. Simple finger sandwiches, veggies, wraps, skewers, fruit…will do the trick. If it’s an evening wedding, soup/salad, baked chicken (cheapest meat) veggies, cheese, crackers, grapes, sliders! Or build your own taco bar! The possibilities are endless. Get a close family member to help out or order catering from Publix or a local restaurant. I would suggest food trucks, but unless you are willing to pay for everyone’s food, I don’t think everyone paying for their own is a good idea if they are your guest.

 Decor shortcuts. I would search facebook market groups or Amazon or even the Wish app. Yes, Wish. I would suggest ordering like 3 months in advance if you want it in time. The shipment sometimes doesn’t come as soon as it says it will. SO give them time. You can get things really cheap! If you want to make something and give yourself a reason to get all the bridesmaids together to help you get things together, art supply and craft stores are amazing for things like that.

Dj for entertainment. Now, if you really want a band, you’re going to need a backup plan. I’m all for bands. I had a band at my wedding. Bands aren’t cheap. You have to think about what you’re paying for. You’re paying for talent, hours of practice, instruments, etc. And even a 3 piece band would run you maybe $900 at the cheapest and that’s not for the whole ceremony. And you have to think about they are humans and humans need breaks. It’s hard playing nonstop so you’re going to want to have a DJ in-between. Or you can always just go Dj fully. (I recommend) Some venues have DJ services included in their packages. And sometimes you can find some pretty good deals on Djs especially the ones that are just starting out trying to build a name for themselves.

Side note: My stepson just so happened to know how to play guitar very well so to include him in on our special day, I asked him to play our first dance song on acoustic while a high school friend of mine sung. It was my favorite thing about my big day. 🙂

Honeymoon travels. Now, depending on your budget and where you really want to go, this can be also affordable. For me, I have never been to a beach before in my life. Yes, sad but true.  So, I told my husband that’s where I wanted to go. Of course, I want to go to Italy and Paris but at the moment, what was in our budget was driving to a beach. Luckily, we live driving distance to quite a few beaches and since it was fall when we got married, there were a few good deals and gas wasn’t too high.  We took a 5-hour drive to a resort and stayed for 3 days and drove on to another beautiful city I really wanted to go to.  We searched Groupon for good deals on restaurants and hotels and we also get points staying at certain hotel through memberships and frequent visitor clubs. Road trips are awesome honeymoons because you’re spending alone time together getting to your trip and have time to talk and sightsee! And an added bonus was using wedding gift money for a souvenir or buying us a drink to celebrate!

There you have it! Those are just a few things I would suggest or recommend. Getting married and celebrating the love you have with your mate doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. It’s a dressy party where everyone is coming to celebrate you and your mate being coming one and having cake. So, try to relax, think rational and enjoy the journey!

Until next time, make it last forever!

How I got out of an abusive relationship

All the photos in this post are from www.pexels.com which is a site that allows you to use royalty-free photos for personal or commercial use. You can also donate to the photographers which is also really cool!



It’s sad to admit but abusive relationships are more common than you think. And I’m not just talking about physical. I mean emotional and mental as well.

For so long, I didn’t realize I was in an emotional turned physically abusive relationship. It took me 5 years to snap out of it and realize I could have saved myself the heartache if I just would have paid attention to the red flags that were flying rapidly.

But sometimes when you’re in love, you ignore things like that.

Maybe it’s because you feel you know this person intimately and everyone doesn’t know them like you do. Maybe you feel like you’ll never find anyone better so you deal with it in fear of being alone.

Whatever the reason may be, it’s never alright for someone to treat you like you are anything less than amazing.

So, what did I do to get out?

First, I had to decide enough is enough. That was a very hard decision because I have a hard time letting go. But I finally got fed up and told him I wasn’t going to take it anymore.pexels-photo-mad

Then I took action. You can tell someone what you’re going to do all day until you’re blue in the face but it won’t mean anything until you act! So I got a job. I started saving money so I can be on my own. (It’s so much harder to get out when you’re invested but it’s possible).

I made less and less contact with him. It always seems like whenever we would talk, it turned into an argument. We slept in separate rooms. He was barely home and I would stay away as much as I could.


I kept myself busy. I wouldn’t give him a reason to say anything to me. Even on good days where he would feel bad for being mean and try to be nice.pexels-photo-140945

I asked family and friends to help me move out. I did give him notice I was leaving though he didn’t believe me. When the day came, he was upset yet sad and tried to talk me out of it. Stand your ground!clasped-hands-comfort-hands-people-45842

I moved in with a coworker from one of my jobs until I could get my own place. It was a rough 4 months but finally, I was able to get my own apartment and start over fresh.pexels-photo-171053

I was still cordial with him because he wasn’t 100% evil and there were good times sprinkled in there. But he had to understand as much as I, that the relationship was over and there wasn’t any patching up taking place. It was best for both of us. Unfortunately,  our fur babies suffered a bit during the transition.



When a relationship ends, someone will always get hurt more than the other. It’s never mutual.

And the first few weeks are the hardest. You’re so used to being with someone and now all of a sudden, you’re single. And maybe you don’t know how to be single anymore. But don’t let that get you into another relationship. Rebounds aren’t usually a good idea.

Like any relationship coming to an end, someone always gets hurt more than the other. And it’s the same for rebounds. You jump in with this person just because you aren’t used to being alone anymore, then, later on, figure out that you didn’t really like that person anyway. Maybe it was just for a good time and nothing more.

In some cases, you might not make it out Scott free. You could be left with a stalker or a baby or worst, something you can’t get rid of.

There’s nothing wrong with a little fun but be cautious.

After 10 months of working, studying in school, hanging with new friends and just being me, I found myself not crying about him anymore. I didn’t feel that pinching pain in my chest whenever I think of him or heard his name. Certain songs didn’t remind me of him. 10 months is awfully quick to get over someone you’ve been with for years but our relationship was ending way before I decided it was really over. I just had to learn how to stop fighting for something that wasn’t there.


After a few months of being alone, I was lucky enough to meet the real man of my dreams.

Of course, we took it slow. And going into another relationship after almost a year isn’t half bad. I would make sure I’m completely over Mr. EX and make sure new Mr. RIGHT is over whomever as well. Start fresh! It’s exciting, new and you deserve it!

Until next time, relax. It will indeed, be alright.