The pros and cons of dating an older man

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I’ve been asked time and time again, “why do you date older men?” And I used to get a little offended because I’m thinking, “how dare they be so bold!” Honestly, I’ve learned to appreciate the straight-forward questions from friends and strangers alike. It’s our human nature to be curious about things we don’t understand and it’s not always coming from a judging standpoint. (Though, I do get a lot of judging questions as well.) Since I’ve been married, no one has asked me that anymore. I guess they figured something worked?

Since I’ve been married, no one has asked me that anymore. Those questions turned into “How much older is he than you?” or “What would you say are the pros and cons of dating an older man?”

I guess they figured something worked? Hince, why I’m typing this post!
First of all, older doesn’t mean old! Dating older men used to be the norm for those in classic old days then somewhere in time when women starting getting rights and making their own decisions, it slowed down. Now, dating older men seem to be coming back again (I think?)  Why go after a guy who didn’t even go to the same high school as you, or if he did, it was in a way different time. Or someone who is working in his career for the last 5 years while you’re still working on graduating college.

Now, for some people they ask “Why go after a guy who didn’t even go to the same high school as you, or if he did, it was in a way different time”. Or someone who is working in his career for the last 5 years while you’re still working on graduating college.
Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it? But that’s not the only thing. It’s all about perspective and what you are looking for in a mate. This is all from my personal experience and my own opinion. Of course, it varies from guy to guy. Not all men are the same and not all older men are mature.
Before I get into the pros and cons, I would like to explain why I always dated older guys. No, it wasn’t that I pinpointed every older guy I saw and was instantly interested because he was older. Somehow, that’s how things always seemed to work out. I would meet a guy who’s my age or younger and would be suddenly turned off by something silly like him drawing pictures of male parts on things or not holding the door open for me or asking me why don’t I wear high fashion name brand clothing. Maybe I was a bit old fashioned (I always admired the men in the 1920s. They seem like they were such gentlemen!) I don’t know.
I’ve had way more in common with older men, believe it or not. I usually lucked out on not getting a total jerk for a guy. This is not saying I have not encountered jerks. They all were “lessons” up to my final boyfriend who became my husband.

I’ve met older men who meant me no good and just wanted what I had physically to offer instead of trying to build something solid. Sometimes, they would think that you are just a young girl who doesn’t know much about life and try to get over on you. Maybe being with a younger girl somehow boosts their egos and make them feel like they “still got it”. Those are the ones you have to look out for!

On another side, I’ve met older guys who genuinely just liked the way I made them feel. For example, everything wasn’t so serious and uptight. We can relax and have fun and maybe I reminded them of their good days they took for granted?

Of course, older guys do know just what to say to get you to be like “Awww!! He is so sweet!” That’s if they have learned anything.

Now, before you go thinking that I’ve been with all these guys, it really hasn’t been that many. I do learn from other people in my social circle as well. And being in college, you have a lot of time to meet a lot of people.

Ok, let’s get cracking on this list! Here are my Pros and Cons of dating older men!

Pro:  Older guys generally been through life long enough to experience things and learn from them. 

What I mean by this is, they have a general idea of how women work and think. Depending on how he’s been raised, older guys tend to be more gentlemen-like. They tend to be more patient and understanding. A lot of times with that, they tend to be more laid back. Instead of going out clubbing or bar hopping, they prefer to have a dinner and drinks or stay at home. Or anything that isn’t jumping around in a mosh pit! This is of course if we are speaking of an older guy who isn’t stuck in his bachelor days mode and still like going to clubs.

Pro: They don’t like to play games. 

Now, this can be both. I say this because some people love to “play games” and I’m not talking about board games or video games. I’m talking about the old fashion cat and mouse game we all tend to play in the beginning of any new relationship. Some like to play it cool and not let all their “assess” show until later on when everyone is comfortable. Well, from what I’ve learned, older guys prefer to put everything on the table. No surprises. What you see is what you get. That can be a great thing! You’ll always know what’s going on and where they are coming from. Though, if you are the type to try to make him jealous when you guys have an argument or if you choose to ignore his calls because he didn’t text you “Goodmorning” after a what you thought was a great date, then you are in for a surprise! Not saying he will get mad and blow up but they don’t like all that stuff and can you blame them? They’ve been there and done that and that’s usually something they did not enjoy. Plus, they know what you’re up to. They know you’re just trying to make them sweat or want attention. Best thing to do is be upfront and tell them what you’re thinking or feeling. It will make things so much easier.

Pro: They know what they want.

After lots of relationships and flings, you’d think a guy would know what he likes and don’t like about a woman he’s interested in. Most of the time, they do and if you are what he’s interested in, you’ve already gotten past the hard part (and that’s wondering if he really likes you.) Think about it. He could have someone else, anyone else but for some reason, he’s talking to you. Especially if he’s an attractive man of high demand from other women. So, if he is all over you, he wants you. Believe him. (unless he’s the player type, then that’s another story).

Pro: Security.

With a lot of older men that are well set in their careers and figured out what they want in life, you will find that being their partner offers security. Some men, however, do not want to just completely take care of you and you do nothing at all. That’s not a partnership. On a flipside, there are a few who do feel that they are the man so that means they take care of financial responsibilities. As I said above, be upfront with expectations from the beginning. Another security older men offer is being secure in always having someone who has your back. Someone who understands commitment and isn’t afraid of it or think they are going to miss out on the next biggest things because they know what is important. (I guess, that whole 80/20 rule comes to play.) And they usually want to make you happy so in addition to doing things like getting your hair done, expect practical gifts that you need versus want. For example, your printer broke and you need it for work, guess what you’re getting for your birthday!



Con: Most men never really grow up.

This is so not a diss towards older guys or guys period but come on, I’ve seen and heard time and time again about how guys tend to still do things they did as kids or still laugh at fart jokes. Or want you to take care of them and us as wives, why not? They take care of us, so why not take care of them? And what about the guys who don’t like going to the doctor? Yes, it’s like having another kid that you have to schedule appointments and drag to the doctor!

Con: They usually have a “messy ex” somewhere. 

We all make stupid decisions. This means that somewhere in their lifetime, they have run across another female counterpart who got the best of them without good intentions. It happens to everyone (unless you don’t date) and some people don’t learn their lessons or it takes them a while. I’m also not saying that women don’t have a messy ex somewhere or another but this post is about dating older men so it’s all about ….men! They will always fall for a girl (usually in their younger years) based on looks or if they are heartbroken and trying to move on or just plain promiscuous. Why is this a Con? Well, because sometimes the ex flares up again and sometimes causes problems between you and your guy. IF he is a mature older guy, he would be able to keep it from becoming a huge problem. Like I said, they usually don’t like drama and that’s why the messy ex is an ex!

Con: Women around his age will hate you.

This is not saying that ALL his friends that are women or just women around him will hate you, but it’s very close. I have come across some women who seem to be upset that we were together, not because I have personally done something to them. It was because they either wanted him for themselves or upset thinking that he must be going through a midlife crisis and left someone his age and had to be a sugar daddy. That’s not always the case but you do have some people who are jealous or judgemental or just plain negative. You have to ignore them and just be happy with your life with your guy. Think about it from their point of view. You’re with a man who is established, what could you possibly have to offer that he would really want other than being a trophy piece? Some people think when you’re with someone you’re supposed to grow old with them and that’s impossible if you’re with someone halfway to the grave than you are.  Newsflash! People are living longer now! I have noticed that’s one of the reasons that people feel you shouldn’t date older than 3-5 years.

Con: It will be hard to hang out with each other’s friends.

You ever went on double dates with friends and it was fun because everyone was synced one way or another? Yea, it kind of gets awkward here. Let’s say his friends are more laid back and married. Your friends are still in their wild/don’t care stage, still want to go to the club or the hip places. Where is the middle ground there? His friends are going to look at your friends like wild teenagers and your friends are going to look at them like stiff old people. Not saying you can’t have some friends that are into what you like or around the same age but its kind of hard. I’ve found myself making friends with other kid’s parents and a lot of times they are between my age and my husband’s age which works. Plus, I’m not much of a party-harder anyway.



With my experience, dating older taught me a lot about myself and even inspired me to do better in my life as far as in what I want out of life. For me, I always had a goal for the things I wanted to do and so far, I have accomplished most of them. There’s always going to be new things I want to do and try and sometimes it can be hard to try new things that you both haven’t done yet. We still have fun and still explore and learn new things all the time and we don’t let many or any in our personal life especially those who aren’t contributing anything that is helping. I know it sounds mean but it’s a lot less stressful keeping opinionated people out of your business instead of telling them everything that goes wrong.

Bottomline: Do what makes you feel happy. Simple. Don’t worry about what other people think. It’s so not unheard of for younger girls to date older men and someone is always going to have something to say. Be stronger than their words. They aren’t the ones who are going to have to live with the guy after all.

Until next time, love hard! 🙂

 

 

How to save money on your wedding

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I’ve been married for almost 2 years and I’ll tell you before my big day I would have loved to have some good personal experience advice on saving money. Weddings are so expensive. I think that’s why it takes some a year or so of planning. It also helps to have a good wedding planner and some really good friends who are more than willing to help!

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a year to plan everything. I had to pull my wedding together in 6 months! That’s engagement photos, planning and everything in between. It was exhausting.  I also had to do all this while working long hours and taking care of my (at the time) 10-month-old.  Talk about stressed to the max!

So, I wanted to share some of my advice on how I would have saved more money and still had a good time and not go completely broke. This is of course if you don’t want to go to the courthouse.

Here are my list and advice on how to save money on your wedding!

Day of the week matters. Some places you will look into will come out cheaper on a Sunday even though it’s traditional. I assume that since in modern day times, most people have to go back to work on Monday and Sundays are still considered the “chill-be-lazy-day” and most people are not going to feel like going to a dressy occasion when they worked so hard all week. They just want to relax! With that being said, Friday and Saturdays have become the most desirable days to have weddings! Especially if there is drinking and partying after.  Friday and Saturdays are the most expensive! But if you don’t want to do Sunday, I would recommend Saturday. Yes, it’s still expensive but when you are keeping your guest in mind, most work on Fridays and might not be able to get off or if they usually get off at 5, your wedding will have to be an evening wedding and for some reason, that’s less desirable as well. (in my experience.)  Sundays are your best bet in most cases for cheap, but Saturday will be the most convenient day for guest.calendar.jpeg

Buy your dress from a warehouse or online and get it altered. Noone has to know you didn’t spend $3000 on your dress. A $150 dress can look just as good as a $3000 and NO ONE will know the difference. Trust me. Plus there are simple things you can do to make it look like a million dollars! If you’re creative, this is a fun project to work on! Those expensive sashes from the bridal stores are at least $50….for just a cloth belt with custom jews on them. Rip off! Go to the fabric store, buy some nice fabric, get some cute jews from the hobby store and make your own sash! See! You’ve already saved $40! Michael’s art store always have great coupons on regular priced items so, you’ll save regardless! And Amazon has great dresses at great prices, too!

Same for shoes. Some brides are doing the “hip” thing and wearing quirky shoes like Chucks or cowboy boots that go along with their themes or just cute for picture opportunities. If you are planning on going more traditional with heels, you can find good deals on heels online! eBay, Amazon (my fave!), just fab and even Zulily has had some great prices on some cute shoes! I’ve found people selling their barely used shoes on Facebook Market (you have to join some of these groups, though.) Or going to second-hand stores (Plato’s closet). I’ve found one of my bridesmaids’ shoes from Rack Room Shoes on sale and they were cute! (Rack Room usually has their buy one get one 1/2 off sale going on always.)

Let your bridesmaids wear dresses that flatter them. No one is going to steal your shine because you’re the one who’s wearing the white dress. Plus it’s also in style to do non-matching dresses. They can be all the same color or a gradient of colors or same fabric. Unless you only have a small number of bridesmaids or they are all the same body type and you just really want everyone to match, go for it. It’s your day but honestly having everyone pick their own dress, gives them more freedom and lets the other girls who aren’t waiting on you hand and foot have a chance to be involved. Don’t forget to ask them to let you approve of their choices, though. It’s still your day, however.

Side note: Choose your bridal party wisely. This isn’t necessarily saving money but the more people you have in your party, the more expensive it will be.

Grooms…guys have it so easy. If not suits, just dress shirts, slacks and ties are nice. And looks nice, too. Most guys already have something like this in their closets.

Flowers, go fake. You can keep them forever and they will always look nice and give your bridal party a piece to take with them from that day. Dress it up with trinkets from Hobby Lobby or Michaels.

Go to Costco or Sam’s for “fantasy” cutlery. They have hard plastics that look just like real silverware and plates too! While you’re at it, buy some booze too! You always save money when you buy in bulk! Of course, you’ll need a membership but if you don’t, there’s always a friend who has one or they have those 30-day free trails sometimes to get new members to sign in. You really only need a basic membership to do this anyway.

Decor and Centerpieces. Awesome but cheap table decor can be pictures of you and hubby when you were dating, engagement photos, baby pics, family pics etc. Put them in nice frames (dollar store or TJ Maxx). Add some flare with battery operated lights or candles or rose petals. Depending on your theme if you choose to have a theme. pexels-photo-169190

Make your own wedding invitations and announcement or use social media in a private page to save on paper! If you have a printer at home and rather do it yourself, you can also get fancy paper from art supply stores or office supply stores, and print yourself. Remember, simple is better and it doesn’t have to be a 5-page booklet on the history of both families and why you guys chose to get married in March. Short simple, sweet and to the point shall do it.

Can’t really skip on quality photography unless you don’t care about how your pics look. But I would also suggest if you want to be kinda cheap, you can find a photography major at a college and use them. Paid, of course. Be sure to look at their work. Since they aren’t professional, they shouldn’t charge a lot but they shouldn’t charge $1000 starting out. Or use Fiverr. You will be surprised at what you’ll find on Fiverr.


Going a little distance to save. If you don’t mind going the distance, go a little out for venues. Most of the time, you’ll find cheaper venues out in the middle of nowhere or just anywhere not in the city or a popular place. Or you can do it in a friend’s yard who has a nice yard or a park?pexels-photo-169198

Food in bulk. Catering companies usually up the price in caters 30% when weddings are mentioned. Yes, it’s true. Go buy a cake and say it’s a wedding cake and see how much that’s going to cost.  I would suggest something you could buy in bulk from another warehouse store. Costco or Sam’s Club. or somewhere with really good food that offers catering. If you’re having an outdoor theme, BBQ can be messy but it’s a crowd pleaser. Simple finger sandwiches, veggies, wraps, skewers, fruit…will do the trick. If it’s an evening wedding, soup/salad, baked chicken (cheapest meat) veggies, cheese, crackers, grapes, sliders! Or build your own taco bar! The possibilities are endless. Get a close family member to help out or order catering from Publix or a local restaurant. I would suggest food trucks, but unless you are willing to pay for everyone’s food, I don’t think everyone paying for their own is a good idea if they are your guest.

 Decor shortcuts. I would search facebook market groups or Amazon or even the Wish app. Yes, Wish. I would suggest ordering like 3 months in advance if you want it in time. The shipment sometimes doesn’t come as soon as it says it will. SO give them time. You can get things really cheap! If you want to make something and give yourself a reason to get all the bridesmaids together to help you get things together, art supply and craft stores are amazing for things like that.

Dj for entertainment. Now, if you really want a band, you’re going to need a backup plan. I’m all for bands. I had a band at my wedding. Bands aren’t cheap. You have to think about what you’re paying for. You’re paying for talent, hours of practice, instruments, etc. And even a 3 piece band would run you maybe $900 at the cheapest and that’s not for the whole ceremony. And you have to think about they are humans and humans need breaks. It’s hard playing nonstop so you’re going to want to have a DJ in-between. Or you can always just go Dj fully. (I recommend) Some venues have DJ services included in their packages. And sometimes you can find some pretty good deals on Djs especially the ones that are just starting out trying to build a name for themselves.

Side note: My stepson just so happened to know how to play guitar very well so to include him in on our special day, I asked him to play our first dance song on acoustic while a high school friend of mine sung. It was my favorite thing about my big day. 🙂

Honeymoon travels. Now, depending on your budget and where you really want to go, this can be also affordable. For me, I have never been to a beach before in my life. Yes, sad but true.  So, I told my husband that’s where I wanted to go. Of course, I want to go to Italy and Paris but at the moment, what was in our budget was driving to a beach. Luckily, we live driving distance to quite a few beaches and since it was fall when we got married, there were a few good deals and gas wasn’t too high.  We took a 5-hour drive to a resort and stayed for 3 days and drove on to another beautiful city I really wanted to go to.  We searched Groupon for good deals on restaurants and hotels and we also get points staying at certain hotel through memberships and frequent visitor clubs. Road trips are awesome honeymoons because you’re spending alone time together getting to your trip and have time to talk and sightsee! And an added bonus was using wedding gift money for a souvenir or buying us a drink to celebrate!

There you have it! Those are just a few things I would suggest or recommend. Getting married and celebrating the love you have with your mate doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. It’s a dressy party where everyone is coming to celebrate you and your mate being coming one and having cake. So, try to relax, think rational and enjoy the journey!

Until next time, make it last forever!

18 Things I wish someone told me before I had kids.

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Becoming a mom was one of the scariest yet exciting moments of my life. It was the ending of single-sleep-in-whenever-go-wherever-whenever-I-want life and the start of being a coffee-ran teacher/dictator. Of course, there’s much more to it but if I had to sum it up…

Being a parent is one of those things you can study and read and take as much advice as you can and never be truly ready. You’ll learn. Some will come with instinct. Others will come from hard old fashion lessons.

I’ve gotten strange looks from people because I didn’t do things the way they do it. Or because my kid prefers this over that. I’ve gotten some of the best advice and some of the not-so-great-it-didn’t-work-for-me advice. It’s still always nice to hear what other people have to say. My favorites are the old school ways that were used when my parents were growing up.

I have a lot of friends who are becoming first-time parents and I’m so excited for them. I want everyone to feel the love and joy of having kids. I do understand some people aren’t made to be parents. I used to think I wasn’t going to have kids, myself. Things change. And I’m thankful for the little guys I have.

So, I wanted to give my two cents in the long list of advice from mom to mom to new moms out there. Things I would have liked to hear or things that just make you feel better knowing you’re not the only one going through it. We are all in this together, mommies!

It gets harder before it gets any easier. I’ve only been a mom for a little over 3 years and a step mom for 5 years but I’ll tell you when you’re a first-time mommy, it’s overwhelming. You’re whole life flips and you’re not living for yourself anymore. It “gets easier” only in the sense of they get more independent. But it’s going to always be a challenge every new stage they grow into. So, enjoy forever learning your bean!  I suggest if you’re still in your “selfish years”, DO NOT have a child. It’s bad enough there are so many unwanted children in the world.SONY DSC



Say goodbye to your disposable income.  Some people luck out on the income part and some have to forfeit their once savings/shopping money to their diaper/wipes money. And diapers, wipes, and formula can be expensive especially when you don’t have the money after all your other bills. (We will get to budgeting later.)pexels-photo-shopping

No more peace and quiet. Before my husband and I merged homes, I was living alone in my studio apartment in the city. I had a cozy cute set up enough for me and my cat. I had a bike that I rode almost everywhere, a budget for at the time, small bills which included rent, water, gas, electric, phone, groceries, and savings. Life was sweet. I worked and I was finishing up college. After a rough day of work and all I wanted to do was come home and lay on my bed, I did it. No screaming. No crying (unless I was crying) and no loud thumping. Now? Not so much. For some reason, kids like to scream even if they aren’t hurt. And there’s always something falling or thumping. What are they doing in there?!? May I suggest picking up a wine habit if you have not already?

I’m joking…. or am I?pexels-photo-peace

Best to put away all your valuables and breakables.  Yeah, that kind of goes without really explaining. Kids are curious beings. They are going to touch things, drop them, break them. For the safety of them and the sanity of you, pack them up and put them away or at least out of reach.

You’re going to feel like the bad guy a lot. Do you have a hard time saying “no”? That’s going to change. I use to worry a lot about hurting anyone’s feelings. Not anymore. Why? Because if you don’t put your foot down, it’s only going to get a lot harder. And not telling your kids “no” and setting boundaries is going to set your kids up to be brats. And not those cute big head girl dolls, either. Better nip it in the bud while they are learning. I suggest by the understanding age of 1 1/2 and 2. Do it! Do it now!pexels-photo-sad

Your style is going to change. Were you the most fashionable person everyone knew? Did people invite you to parties just to see what you will wear? Were you the trendsetter of the group? Yea, not much anymore. Not saying it will last. But the first year of your baby’s life, your outfits will consist of comfortable yoga pants, T-shirts, hand bands and whatever you wore yesterday. There’s just not enough time in a day! And you’re not going to have hours to spend in the bathroom applying makeup. Do you know how fast a kid can trash your house? Very, very fast.pexels-photo-motherchildvillage




Do NOT get a new pet when your baby is only a few weeks or months old.  I mainly mean dogs. Especially puppies. They are basically kids themselves. If you’re still getting used to new mommy life, better not get a dog yet. I know you’ve probably seen those moms jogging with a baby in a stroller, dog on a leash in other hand and seem to have their life together. Truth is, she probably had that dog way before her baby got here. Which makes all the difference.pexels-photo-familywithpet

No more get up and go when you want.  Remember when you were sitting at your place alone, bored and your friend calls and say “Hi! Green Day just annouced they are going on tour and there’s a chance to win free tickets at the game bar, wanna come???” “Heck yeah! That sounds like fun! Let me go grab my wallet and …oh yeah, find a sitter on short notice. Uh, maybe you should go without me?” Yeah…that’s your life for at least until they are in school, independent and want to hang with anyone but you.Happiness of young Asian woman lying with blanket on bed in the

You’re going to always be on “borrowed time”. When I first heard the saying “borrowed time” I wondered what exactly did that mean. Well, since I’ve become a parent, I’m always on borrowed time. Meaning, whenever I go to a store or any place I want to take my time at, I can’t. Because at any moment now, my child will cry, scream, need to be changed or be ready to be fed. (I breast feed exclusively) Which means I have to stop what I’m doing and tend to my baby. You can make the baby wait, though I wouldn’t suggest because the screams only get louder and you will be embarrassed. Trust me, even though people know babies cry and whatnot, it’s still embarrassing when your baby is crying in public. So, you will learn how to get things done fast! (which isn’t really a bad thing.)pexels-photo-child-mom

You have to “forfeit” most of your things.  When my son started eating solids and real food, that was big trouble for me. Why? Because that means whatever I eat, he wants or has to have some even if he has the same exact thing on his plate. But no, mommy’s food is better I guess. And if you’re attached to your phone, he’s going to want that, too. Monkey see monkey do. So be careful of what you do in front of the little one. Boy, they learn quick! (mostly the things you don’t want them to learn.) Beware!

You’re going to need a roomier car.  You might get away with keeping that fiat with your fresh newborn but please believe me when I say, baby things are big and bulky. Which leads to having to upgrade your car. There’s a reason why mini vans are so popular with the soccer mom community. pexels-photo-minivandriving

Your love life will change…slightly.  This one is a touchy one. With so many scenarios, it’s hard to pinpoint what would really happen because each situation is different. If you’re married or have a partner, things are going to change a little. But it’s up to you if they get better or worst. That’s where communication and making time for each other really matters. You’ll find yourself having to sneak around being frisky when the kids are away or sleeping instead of being spontaneous. It just makes the little time you do have together even more special.pexels-photo-couplewithwine

Your house will be messier than ever! If you were already somewhat of a slob before kids, prepare to not even be able to move around in your living space. Yes, it does get that bad. Why? Babies have the most gadgets that tend to be big and bulky. You think you might not need it and can get by without it (and maybe you could) but it does make life so much easier with a swing that turns a full 360 or a bouncer that keeps them occupied while you attempt to clean. And with older kids, they tend to have “tunnel vision” and short attention spans. While you’ve just straightened up the living room, little Timmy wants to play with trucks. Oh, wait! There’s a crayon on the floor, let’s color on daddy’s work papers. Hold up! I’m hungry. Let’s eat a cookie but drop half of it on the floor and step on it so crumbs are mashed in the carpet. Yeah…your work is never done.


Yeah…your work is never done. I used to like to hide under the blankets until I felt like getting up and conquering the world again. Can’t do that anymore either unless I want my house to be caught on fire. pexels-photo-sleepingoncouch

Everyone has an opinion.  When the news that I was with child first got out to the world, everyone was excited but everyone also had some sort of advice or opinion. Even those who did not have any children of their own but felt that they had a better opinion than I would since they used to babysit or have a lot of little cousins, nieces, and nephews. It’s totally different when it’s your own. Trust me. You can keep someone else’s kid all day long, but if that kid isn’t living with you full time and you’re not responsible for its well-being, it’s a little different. How? You can’t give these kids back to their parents when they are yours. You have to make arrangements to get a break.

Some people have really great advice! Some people will come across as judging as if your parenting skills lack in some areas. It’s ok. It’s your child. You’re the boss. It doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say. Last time you checked, were they supplying your child the proper care and necessities they need? I didn’t think so. Moving on!pexels-photo-peopletalking

Strangers love babies.  If you’re the type of person who doesn’t like random people talking to you or getting in your personal space, maybe rethink going to crowded public places with your baby. They will come. They will want to see your baby. They will talk to you. They might even try to touch your baby’s foot. Best thing to do is not be a jerk and just smile. It’ll be all over before you know it. pexels-photo-guylookingannoyed

Grandparents will either be your life saver or worst enemy.  I’ve seen some grandparents that would spoil their grandbabies rotten. Even if that means going against the parent’s wishes. On a flip side, I’ve seen some grandparents who felt that they are your kids and they didn’t have any fun making them, so they aren’t going to make things easier for you. It’s not completely black and white, there is a gray area but overall, I think it’s a blessing to have grandparents period. pexels-photo-grandparents

Holidays will mean something completely different. Before, holidays meant going over to your family’s houses to eat and relax and maybe get a few gifts. (Depending on what holiday). Now, it’s all about the kids! Christmas? You’re going out of your way to get them all these big presents that they are only going to play with a few times and forget they had it until a friend comes over and wants to play. It sounds chaotic but once you see their excited little faces open their gifts, you forget about all the debt you got into trying to give them this stuff or how you wanted to teach them to be grateful and that the holidays are about giving not getting. Oh, well. Maybe we will try Easter. pexels-photo-holidayfamily

Even though it sounds bad, you’re going to love it at the end of the day.  It may sound like I’m complaining a lot about my babies, but truth is, I enjoy every moment of it. From the spitting up in my mouth (yes, in my mouth), to head butting me, to late nights and early morning, to being asked the same questions over and over, it’s exhausting but rewarding. When my little guys hug me with their little hands or say “I love you” or kiss me, it’s the best feeling in the world. I love kissing those soft baby cheeks and changing those tiny diapers. I love reading stories and folding their little clothes. These moments go by incredibly quick and just when you’re getting used to this stage of their life, they are now approaching a new one.

So, hold them while you can. Those hassles will turn into memories of when they depended on you. Remember that baby smell. And don’t be lazy. Get out and about with your kids. Let them explore the world. It’s old to you but exciting to them. pexels-photo-sweetfamily

Until next time. Love with all your heart.

 

My advice to my children



One of the many things I am proud of in my life thus far is my kids. (including my step kids and god kids). Children are amazing beings. Yes, they can be annoying and disobedient but it’s all a learning experience, right?

One thing kids have taught me is patience and how to exciting the world really is. For someone seeing it for the first time, it’s so amazing. We take those simplicities for granted.

One thing I really want to do is make the world a better place for the kids. And one thing I notice, with technology booming the way it is and is showing no sign of stopping, it’s getting a little difficult for the young generation to know how to do things the “old” way.

Let’s be honest. With all man-made things, they are destined to mess up or break or need repair one time or another, right?



Now, let’s say your dish washer clunks out. Do you know how to properly hand wash your dishes? As funny as it sounds, there are kids out there who don’t know how to do it.

Now, this is not a post about how to properly load a dishwasher or how to change a flat tire, though I have seen so many youngins (including myself) not know how to do something that could save you headache and money.

If I had to give any of my children or anyone’s kids in general advice before they step off into the real world it would be this:

Be kind to others. It’s hard enough making friends. It doesn’t get any easier once you’re an adult and have to with some of these people.sunset-hands-love-woman

These pictures are from www.pexels.com which offers tons of royalty free images for personal and commercial use without credit. You can donate to the photographers as well, which I find pretty sweet.

Network. Just knowing what your peers do for a living and keeping contact with them can be better than going to college itself! (Nah, you probably should still get your degree anyway since a lot of employers look for that!)pexels-photo-374592



Learn how to budget. There’s going to be a time where your parents aren’t going to always be there for you to pick up the slack. So, the adult thing to do is to stand on your own two feet. Which means, learn how to use your money accordingly. So, the whole “wants and needs” thing comes in handy. (Do you really need to go to a concert on a Tuesday night when you have a phone bill due on Friday?)

Priories! Goes hand and hand with budgeting. You’re going to find yourself hanging out with friends and thinking to yourself, “I can buy $20 worth of $4 shots because that’s a good deal” but not think about tomorrow when you need a sandwich at lunch between classes. No meal plan? Ooooh…maybe $4 shots wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Learn how to shop. Shopping isn’t just for girls! You’re going to need food and clothes and supplies. And don’t be a “brand snob”. Fruity sugar O’s is just as good as Fruit Loops and will save you a couple more cents that can go towards more food! Doesn’t sound like a lot but it adds up!pexels-photo-264636

Grow up. There’s nothing wrong with handling your own and having your own at 20. You’re legal. You can buy things and work for what you want. Why not take advantage of it? Because God forbid that if something happened to your family, who will really have your back? The world is cold and you’re only going to learn the hard way. Learn to stand on your own two feet while you don’t necessarily have to before you have no choice but to stand on your own two feet.pexels-photo-266023

Own up to your mistakes. We are human. And that means we make mistakes. A LOT of them. That doesn’t make you a bad person unless you are intentionally doing these things. If so, shame on you! So, if you make a mistake or hurt someone, just tell the truth. Be honest. Own up to it. It’s better than trying to come up with a lie that you’re going to have to remember later.woman-dropped-fail-failure

Go to college fresh! Meaning, I would cut ties with that high school boyfriend or girlfriend. As harsh as it sounds, trust me, you’ll thank me later. I learned the hard way. When you go to a new place like college for the first time, you’re in a new world full of people who have the same interest or things in common with you versus coming from high school with a lot of people who didn’t and were trying to figure out who they are themselves. You might find someone who is way more “perfect” than say current S.O.S. And long distant relationship sucks! Not saying it can’t be done. Just saying it’s very hard. Don’t do this to yourself. College is supposed to be the best years of your life. Make it count!

Take every opportunity you can and don’t let no one hold you back! (not even your parents!) I say this and I mean it. If you have an opportunity to travel the world for a year, DO IT. If you have the opportunity to meet some important people that will open doors for you, DO IT. Don’t worry about mom and dad. They will be there waiting. It’s their job to worry. And don’t let your lover hold you back either. Some of the opportunities you will get will only come once in a lifetime and not doing so because of someone else’s selfish reasons is not fair to you and just plain silly. Because to be quite honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, they will do the same and not think twice! So, do it!

Take help that is offered. People are more willing to help a struggling college student than a regular adult. Sad but true. I guess in their eyes, it’s a young adult who is trying to make their way through life and help themselves and not asking for handouts. If you’re an adult not in school, they will figure you should have already had it all figured out and you’re just being lazy. So, if you’re trying to get an intern somewhere, let it be known you’re a student and you’re trying. And work hard at what you do because someone is always watching!pexels-photo

Remember your family. Of course, no one has the perfect ideal family. But family is everything. They are who make you and will be there when all things fall down. Sometimes, you’re lucky to find a friend who is just like family and will be there for you no matter what. Hold them close and hold them tight. So, if your friends want to check out the new bar in town but your nana is having a birthday dinner at your parent’s house, I would suggest you show Nana a little love and catch up with your friends later. Because Nana lived her life and seen a lot and you never know when the last dinner with her will be. So any opportunity is a good opportunity. Plus, there’s always going to be a new hip bar opening up or some cool hang out spot or concert that will be happening. Choose wisely.

Last but not least, make time. You never truly realize how much time you have until you don’t really have much time left at all. What I mean is, being a parent, changed my life. I used to think I didn’t have enough time in a day to do anything while I was still young, in college, and kid-free. But when I had my kids, I realized I had more time than I thought and I took that for granted. All those days of sleeping in or surfing the web or going out with the girls. I could have used that to do better. But at that time, I felt I didn’t have much time. There was never enough time in a day. And now, there’s really never enough time (or money).pexels-photo-100733

That’s just my little advice that I have to offer from what I’ve learned and seen through out the years. In hopes of helping someone be a better person. I really hope my sons will take this advice and use it. Some regrets are a part of life but I would still much rather have as least as possible.

Until next time! Enjoy life!