Why dating an older man made me better.

[Quick disclaimer: I’m not promoting young girls (teens) to date older men (20s-and beyond) This is from my experience. Example- I, myself being 25 and dating someone 31 or something.]

Now, before you get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with dating someone your own age. There are perks to any age, really. (Though, I personally didn’t have the best experience dating a younger guy.)



I’ve always been into older guys, within reason. For me, the most important thing was the understanding and the mindset. When I was in high school, the guys there were just worried about all the wrong things. Why did it matter if I dressed in the latest trends or if I was in the “cool crowd”. I didn’t care about all that because, at the end of the day, I had my mind set on something. And that was getting the heck out of my small hometown! Boys could wait. But when I did get a boyfriend, he was out of high school (don’t worry, it was only a 3 year age difference.)

And in that almost-year-long relationship, I’ve learned so much that not even my mom could have taught me. I would have to say, it was a good experience at the end of the day. And I got out of it alive and yes, still a virgin. He wasn’t the type of older guy that would have taken advantage of me like a lot of guys I met along the way. (i.e. college town football player) but there were moments where we crossed that time where he would want something I wasn’t quite ready for. And you know what? That was ok! Because it was my choice.

I loved the fact that he had his own car, had a job, didn’t have a curfew and had his own money. Those were huge pluses for a 17-year-old girl. And honestly, still is a grown woman. All those things were great, but after him and I split, I got into my next relationship with an even more older guy and that’s when the lessons really came in.pexels-photo-386009


When you date older men, sometimes that comes with baggage and if you’re not quite ready yet for such, it might be best to slow down and go back to the drawing board. And that’s totally not a bad thing. Be honest with yourself. Because I’m telling you, when you’re a young, wild and free shy of 20 years old, the world is so new and exciting. And things are fun and new. And you get with someone who’s a bit older who’s “been there, done that” and let’s say have kids? Yeah, that’s when things take a whole new turn for you. You’re now a step mom whether you like it or not. And if the mother of the kids aren’t as friendly as you thought, there’s another issue. And it doesn’t really get better from that point. You’ll hope it would be simple as saying, “Hey, you need me to go get the kids?” but it’s almost never as easy as you would like it to be. And before you know it, you’re the bad guy and you’ll still be wondering how did you become the bad guy. The mother, for some reason, will always have something against you, where she chooses to be mature about it or not. And even if you guys are cordial, there’s always that little hint of jealousy that will pop out from time to time, even if she claims to have moved on and doesn’t care about your guy. (she cares.)pexels-photo-247200

As long as things remain respectable, that’s the important thing but I won’t guarantee that it will be or always will be. And that’s the thing you just have prepare yourself for. But hopefully, your guy will be the bigger person and be more mature about it. Because it’s not easy being the middle man but that’s where he’s going to be if he chooses to get with someone new other than his children’s mother. And that’s another battle that you’re more than likely won’t win. Even if the mother is absolutely wrong, you will have to stand down because if you come between a man and his kids, it’s a losing battle for you. Especially if he loves his kids. (which we would hope he does).

But that’s just one aspect. There’s also the maturity level that you hope for. Being an “art kid” in my high school days, I lacked understanding from those my age. And even in college where I was surrounded by tons of like-minded peers, I still had those moments where I was misunderstood. I’ve had some guys who looked at me as naive and at times, I was. But I wasn’t looking for a father-figure and a boyfriend to also be my daddy. No. I just wanted someone who can take me out and show me a good time. Someone who didn’t think walking through the park feeding ducks was boring or someone who gave practical gifts I could use instead of 6-inch heels that I could only wear with one outfit on one occasion.pexels-photo-couplewithwine

On another side of it all, you have all the judgments and opinions from dear friends and family. It’s your life, so who cares? Everyone, apparently. That’s where you will have to learn to tune people out for whatever they are saying. And the best advice I could give on this subject is to leave people out of your relationship. Don’t tell your friends of all the bad times and some of the good times because no matter how great he is, they will always remember the bad times. And then you will look like the fool for staying with them because you can do so much better. But there are always two sides to every story and they are only hearing your side. So to be fair, if you’re going to discuss your relationship, at least let him explain his side as well. Think about it. When you tell someone what happened. It may have happened just the way you said it, but you might have left out one part. Maybe he didn’t say you were a brat, he said you were acting like one. But you heard something else.


People are biased. If they love you, they want the best for you. And even if they are jealous of you and don’t want you to be happy, still going to have an opinion on why you shouldn’t be with this person or why they suck.

I’ve learned that older guys tend to not like to “play any games”. All those days of trying to flirt with other guys in front of him to make him jealous or not answering the phone when he makes you mad are over. You can mean the world to him but more than likely, he’s not going to want to play any games and there goes the “I love you but I can’t do this”.

But this isn’t all older guys, of course.



On a flip side, you do have some older guys who think they can take advantage of you because you are young.

So, what have I learned? In my experience, dating an older guy made me better all around. (especially the guy I’m married to). He makes me feel valued as a person and coming from previous relationships helped. It helped in a way that gave us both the sense of what we did want and what we didn’t want and mistakes not to make again. And dating an older guy seems to have taught him patience but also taught me maturity and made me appreciate the simpler things in life. And also, being held accountable for my own actions and owning up to things.

Dating an older guy opened my eyes to new things and experiences. Some things I could do with someone my age or younger, sure. But I guess it just feels different. And being looked at as a person and not being judged based on material things.pexels-photo-298863

Once again, just my experience. It varies. There are some older men out there that haven’t quite grown up or stuck in the bachelor lifestyle and just shouldn’t be in a relationship.

But for me, I’m thankful for my decision and how things worked out. And I’m thankful for what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown as a woman.

Experience is the best teacher! And in my experience, I think older worked for me.

Until next time, love with all your heart but don’t take no mess!

Balancing two small children

All the pictures used in this post are from www.pexels.com, a royalty-free photo site that lets you use pictures for personal and commercial use without penalty. You can also donate to the photographers, which is really awesome!

For some, kids aren’t such a scary thing. I mean, they are little humans who are constantly learning. What’s so scary about that? A lot. A whole lot. Especially if you’re like me. One minute, you’re single, living in your own (clean) space, eating your own food without anyone begging and drinking late and sleeping in. Then, BAM! You’re married, with two kids and a dog trying to figure out why can’t you get your child to eat something other than chicken nuggets or how many glasses of wine can you really drink and still manage to wake up at a decent hour the next day. *sigh*


I know it sounds like I’m complaining but I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life. I’m married to my best friend who is a truly amazing man and also nailed the husband thing down to a T. I’m lucky I found someone like that before I turned 30. (I’m 30 now. lol) I have two wonderful, smart, healthy baby boys that are so great and four step sons that make being a step parent not so scary at all anymore. How lucky am I? And now we have a dog which is super awesome. She loves my sons, even though the oldest seems to make her regret coming home with us. pexels-photo-familywithpet

So, with all that being said, why would the thought of balancing two kids seem so hard? If they are older, then nothing, really. But if they are, hmm let’s say 2 years old and 3 months old…then you’re kinda asking for it. And it’s not all bad but it’s different. It’s a challenge. You will be tired. But you’ll be so in love at the end of the day. I know I am.

With my first son, I didn’t know what to expect. Even reading books like “what to expect” and reading many blogs from other experienced mommies, I was still left thinking, “what have I’ve gotten myself into?”. Whereas I wasn’t really the most kid friendly (kids confused the crap out of me!) I definitely knew I wanted to be a mom one day. I wanted to experience the joy and pain of having your own. Understand the love between a mother and her child. Share something as intimate as a little you with someone you love.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I can’t say I was jumping for joy. I was in my prime, finally enjoying my 20s after getting out of a very bad relationship. I was having the time of my life with my (at the time) boyfriend. Then next thing you know, I’m sitting on a toilet seat texting my brother and crying my eyes out.

Not now! I can’t possibly be a mom now! I still have so much to do!

But it was true and the only choice I had was to grow up and learn to be a mom. The pregnancy journey was an interesting one, to say the least, but enjoyable. It was exciting. It was new. It happened so fast! But after my little guy was born, I was in love. He had my heart.

Fast forward 2 years later, I find out I’m pregnant again. I didn’t cry this time. But more of a “well, I hope I can handle this.” I’ve seen so many other women with young children around the same age and they make it look so effortless. They are all pros! How can I be like that?

I look back on my first son’s early months and I forgot all the small details that I’m now experiencing with my new little one. And I feel so guilty.

How could you forget when your son first laughed? or How many diapers you’ve gone through the first few months? I’m terrible.

Now, I’m finding myself reliving infant life while figuring out toddler life and it’s exhausting. I barely have time to do anything to my hair. (I now understand why so many moms cut their hair short.)pexels-photo-85599

I’m now figuring out as I go, how to balance two small children at the same time. I’ve noticed, if you keep the oldest busy with something and try not to be all over the infant (because they do get jealous), then it’s not as hard as you would think. Though, I do have those days where nothing goes right.

There’s going to be those moments of struggle when no one wants to go to bed and all you want to do is go to bed. There’s going to be days where it seems like there’s no way of making anyone happy. There’s a lot of emotional struggle through it all. Being a parent is definitely not for the weak!pexels-photo-103127

As time moves on, things do somehow, get easier. Soon, your kids will be independent and go to school and you’ll be asking yourself, “Where did the time go?” So for me, I try to enjoy every little thing. The hard stuff and the easy stuff. Because life is so short and your kids do grow fast.

Spit up in hair, sweats and all, I’m proud to be a mommy of two!

Until next time, enjoy those little moments.

The Complete Guide on what to pack in your diaper bag!

When I got the exciting (yet horrifying) news that I was expecting my first bundle of joy, I was bursting with so many different emotions that I thought I was going to have a nervous break down. I’m sure a lot of women go through the same.



This was the moment that I wasn’t quite ready for, for my life was about to change drastically in the course for 9 months! What have I’ve gotten myself into??

Stacking up on boo-koos amounts of books, blogs and other fun reading material from what to wear to what kind of food to eat to what color the nursery should be. (Phew!) I’ve learned the hard way even though I felt I was overly prepared. Truthfully, nothing will really prepare you other than experience. Because one person’s experience could be so much more different than yours. They could have the most perfect and well behaved child, where you get this wild child from Uranus. You could follow all the books and instruction manuals to life and life will still throw a curve ball that you didn’t quite plan for. Isn’t that lovely?

So, one of the things that worried me the most after little baby arrived was what on earth do you suppose to put in this huge diaper bag? Do you really need that much space? Does it have to be that big? Do you suppose to overpack? What if I don’t pack enough?


I had a friend tell me that when my child gets older, the load will lessen. And she was right.

Ok, so what do you suppose to put in those diaper bags??

Most importantly, DIAPERS!! I recommend 10-12 diapers. You just never know! And plenty of wipes. I say a full pack. You never know what will happen and you can use wipes for more than just wiping tushy!

(I’m a “honest mom”. I enjoy most of Honest products, so you’ll see them here and there.)

Burp rags will almost save your life especially if you have a little one with acid reflux.

2-3 outfits or bodysuits because boy they can mess up a change of clothes really quick!

3 blankets. If it’s cold outside, let’s say 4 or 5.

A good stain remover, travel size or in a travel container. Trust me, blow outs are so messy and especially with breastfed babies, the stains are darn near impossible to get out! Better get a head start if you’re not getting home any time soon.

Plastic trash bags or Disposable sacks. Yes, they aren’t the most eco-friendly but you need somewhere to put those soiled diapers and wipes.

First-Aid kit. Wal-Mart sells these little travel sized first aid kits that includes alcohol wipes, bandaids, first aid creme and gauze for less than a dollar and they do come in handy. You just never know!

An extra set of clothes for you. Even though the spit up dries up after a while and it’s not that bad (it smells, though), maybe you’re going to a special event and the baby just puked out half of his life on your new silk blouse. (why are you wearing silk with a newborn?) So, You’re gonna need back up! Always have a back up plan!


Medicines– Depending on how old your newborn is, I’m speaking based on the first few months (0-5 months) you probably want to bring diaper rash cream, gripe water, bug stray, sunblock, Tylenol, a plastic syringe, a thermometer and a few bibs.

2 pairs of socks and 2 hats.

2 bottles, (if you’re breastfeeding, I suggest a cooler to keep fresh pumped milk cool. Shelf life of breastmilk can be tricky.) I usually just breastfeed in public. Put a cloth over him or let my shirt cover most of my boob. I’m feeding my child, not trying to attract pervs!

Snacks for you! Thinking things like dried fruit, granola, water bottle.

A little book to read and a few small toys. Sometimes, you’re going to need to distract your baby. And especially when they are at the grabbing things stage, you’re going to need to keep them occupied!

I also may suggest a little book to keep medical records in. For example, a small address book you can write days and shot records or keep up with prescriptions.

I think I covered it all. Phew! That’s a lot! So, to answer those questions above. Yes, you need all that space. A big bag. Better safe than sorry. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out of the house with the kids and the little one messed up his clothes within the first 5 mins of arriving. And me, foolishly leaving home without an extra outfit. (TJ Maxx to the rescue!) Getting a new outfit might not sound too bad unless you’re on a tight budget.



So, just prepare for all of life’s hiccups and learn to enjoy them. Those little moments go so quick. Those chubby cheeks and chunky legs won’t stay that way for long, and those cute coos & sweet giggles will turn into questions that you don’t know the answer to. Soon, they’ll be going to school and making friends and before you know it, they will be going off to college or whatever they choose to do. Then, when you see that smile on their face and feel that tight hug, you’ll know you’ve done a good job.

You rock.

Until next time. 🙂 Be sweet and enjoy the simple things, like packing your diaper bag!

 

 

A little about me!

Hey there! I’m Jayivey and this is my blog!

I’m an art mommy of two boys plus four stepsons. I am absolutely nuts about coffee and food! I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Animation and Media Arts so you might see a few doodles here and there.

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I’m hoping this will motivate me into doing more art. Of course, with little kids, it can be hard to find enough time to do everything because there’s just not enough time in a day!

On a normal day, you’ll find me not starting my day until I had 2 cups of coffee in my favorite Sailor Moon mug. Sometimes, I don’t eat breakfast which is kind of unfortunate because I LOVE breakfast!

I have a very active toddler and a very laid back infant who is moving quite fast to keep up with big bro, I assume. Between the both of them, they keep me very busy and I often wonder how women with twins or triplets even breathe! But we have a lot of fun and I love every minute of it!

After working countless dead-end jobs and plain old just-not-believing-in-myself, I’ve decided this year, I’m going to do something a little different. So, why not give this blogging thing a shot? I use to have a blog back before blogging wasn’t really cool. No, seriously, I used to blog before you could really make it into a profitable business. I developed quite a following but at the time, it was just writing for fun. It was like an online diary for me and a lot of people ask me for dating advice. Great outlet to have in college. Keeping me sane throughout college and relationships. So, while I’m currently a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), I have a little time to write (when the kids are sleeping, of course.)

I met my wonderful husband at work. Funny thing is we both weren’t looking for a mate. We were both in really bad relationships and wanted out. Talking to him was not only fun but therapeutic. Eventually, after leaving my job and toxic relationship, we fell in love over margaritas and the rest is history.

I enjoy coffee, food, cooking, drawing, graphic design, videography, finding new places, trying new things, music, comics, cartoons, long naps at the park, wine and margaritas! Phew! That’s a lot! On top of all that, I love spending time with my family and learning new things.

I love to sleep, which in some cases, isn’t a great thing but it also doesn’t help that I am a night owl. I have a weird yet dark sense of humor at times, but I also cry watching dramas. I love holidays and when meeting new people though I can be pretty awkward.

I like to cook and I love to eat! So I will post different things I cook with the recipes or recipes I try with my spin on it! Or when I go out to restaurants and coffee shops around town, I’ll have my recommendations. After all, Atlanta is the perfect city for a foodie!

I have the hardest time writing “about me” because what can you really say about you that’s not too “braggy”? So, I hope no one will take this as me being “braggy”.

I’ve had friends and strangers ask me for advice in the past about relationships which I felt honored that anyone would ask me what I think. I’m currently married to a guy who’s a little older than I and also of a different racial background than myself.

So maybe through my blog post I can help some, inspire a few and if none of the above, at the very least, I hope someone would get a good chuckle.

Enjoy and please feel free to leave feedback! I love making new friends! 20170929_185225Yep, that’s me. Always drinking and driving…. coffee that is. 😉