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It’s sad to admit but abusive relationships are more common than you think. And I’m not just talking about physical. I mean emotional and mental as well.
For so long, I didn’t realize I was in an emotional turned physically abusive relationship. It took me 5 years to snap out of it and realize I could have saved myself the heartache if I just would have paid attention to the red flags that were flying rapidly.
But sometimes when you’re in love, you ignore things like that.
Maybe it’s because you feel you know this person intimately and everyone doesn’t know them like you do. Maybe you feel like you’ll never find anyone better so you deal with it in fear of being alone.
Whatever the reason may be, it’s never alright for someone to treat you like you are anything less than amazing.
So, what did I do to get out?
First, I had to decide enough is enough. That was a very hard decision because I have a hard time letting go. But I finally got fed up and told him I wasn’t going to take it anymore.
Then I took action. You can tell someone what you’re going to do all day until you’re blue in the face but it won’t mean anything until you act! So I got a job. I started saving money so I can be on my own. (It’s so much harder to get out when you’re invested but it’s possible).
I made less and less contact with him. It always seems like whenever we would talk, it turned into an argument. We slept in separate rooms. He was barely home and I would stay away as much as I could.
I kept myself busy. I wouldn’t give him a reason to say anything to me. Even on good days where he would feel bad for being mean and try to be nice.
I asked family and friends to help me move out. I did give him notice I was leaving though he didn’t believe me. When the day came, he was upset yet sad and tried to talk me out of it. Stand your ground!
I moved in with a coworker from one of my jobs until I could get my own place. It was a rough 4 months but finally, I was able to get my own apartment and start over fresh.
I was still cordial with him because he wasn’t 100% evil and there were good times sprinkled in there. But he had to understand as much as I, that the relationship was over and there wasn’t any patching up taking place. It was best for both of us. Unfortunately, our fur babies suffered a bit during the transition.
When a relationship ends, someone will always get hurt more than the other. It’s never mutual.
And the first few weeks are the hardest. You’re so used to being with someone and now all of a sudden, you’re single. And maybe you don’t know how to be single anymore. But don’t let that get you into another relationship. Rebounds aren’t usually a good idea.
Like any relationship coming to an end, someone always gets hurt more than the other. And it’s the same for rebounds. You jump in with this person just because you aren’t used to being alone anymore, then, later on, figure out that you didn’t really like that person anyway. Maybe it was just for a good time and nothing more.
In some cases, you might not make it out Scott free. You could be left with a stalker or a baby or worst, something you can’t get rid of.
There’s nothing wrong with a little fun but be cautious.
After 10 months of working, studying in school, hanging with new friends and just being me, I found myself not crying about him anymore. I didn’t feel that pinching pain in my chest whenever I think of him or heard his name. Certain songs didn’t remind me of him. 10 months is awfully quick to get over someone you’ve been with for years but our relationship was ending way before I decided it was really over. I just had to learn how to stop fighting for something that wasn’t there.
After a few months of being alone, I was lucky enough to meet the real man of my dreams.
Of course, we took it slow. And going into another relationship after almost a year isn’t half bad. I would make sure I’m completely over Mr. EX and make sure new Mr. RIGHT is over whomever as well. Start fresh! It’s exciting, new and you deserve it!
Until next time, relax. It will indeed, be alright.