18 Things I wish someone told me before I had kids.

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Becoming a mom was one of the scariest yet exciting moments of my life. It was the ending of single-sleep-in-whenever-go-wherever-whenever-I-want life and the start of being a coffee-ran teacher/dictator. Of course, there’s much more to it but if I had to sum it up…

Being a parent is one of those things you can study and read and take as much advice as you can and never be truly ready. You’ll learn. Some will come with instinct. Others will come from hard old fashion lessons.

I’ve gotten strange looks from people because I didn’t do things the way they do it. Or because my kid prefers this over that. I’ve gotten some of the best advice and some of the not-so-great-it-didn’t-work-for-me advice. It’s still always nice to hear what other people have to say. My favorites are the old school ways that were used when my parents were growing up.

I have a lot of friends who are becoming first-time parents and I’m so excited for them. I want everyone to feel the love and joy of having kids. I do understand some people aren’t made to be parents. I used to think I wasn’t going to have kids, myself. Things change. And I’m thankful for the little guys I have.

So, I wanted to give my two cents in the long list of advice from mom to mom to new moms out there. Things I would have liked to hear or things that just make you feel better knowing you’re not the only one going through it. We are all in this together, mommies!

It gets harder before it gets any easier. I’ve only been a mom for a little over 3 years and a step mom for 5 years but I’ll tell you when you’re a first-time mommy, it’s overwhelming. You’re whole life flips and you’re not living for yourself anymore. It “gets easier” only in the sense of they get more independent. But it’s going to always be a challenge every new stage they grow into. So, enjoy forever learning your bean!  I suggest if you’re still in your “selfish years”, DO NOT have a child. It’s bad enough there are so many unwanted children in the world.SONY DSC



Say goodbye to your disposable income.  Some people luck out on the income part and some have to forfeit their once savings/shopping money to their diaper/wipes money. And diapers, wipes, and formula can be expensive especially when you don’t have the money after all your other bills. (We will get to budgeting later.)pexels-photo-shopping

No more peace and quiet. Before my husband and I merged homes, I was living alone in my studio apartment in the city. I had a cozy cute set up enough for me and my cat. I had a bike that I rode almost everywhere, a budget for at the time, small bills which included rent, water, gas, electric, phone, groceries, and savings. Life was sweet. I worked and I was finishing up college. After a rough day of work and all I wanted to do was come home and lay on my bed, I did it. No screaming. No crying (unless I was crying) and no loud thumping. Now? Not so much. For some reason, kids like to scream even if they aren’t hurt. And there’s always something falling or thumping. What are they doing in there?!? May I suggest picking up a wine habit if you have not already?

I’m joking…. or am I?pexels-photo-peace

Best to put away all your valuables and breakables.  Yeah, that kind of goes without really explaining. Kids are curious beings. They are going to touch things, drop them, break them. For the safety of them and the sanity of you, pack them up and put them away or at least out of reach.

You’re going to feel like the bad guy a lot. Do you have a hard time saying “no”? That’s going to change. I use to worry a lot about hurting anyone’s feelings. Not anymore. Why? Because if you don’t put your foot down, it’s only going to get a lot harder. And not telling your kids “no” and setting boundaries is going to set your kids up to be brats. And not those cute big head girl dolls, either. Better nip it in the bud while they are learning. I suggest by the understanding age of 1 1/2 and 2. Do it! Do it now!pexels-photo-sad

Your style is going to change. Were you the most fashionable person everyone knew? Did people invite you to parties just to see what you will wear? Were you the trendsetter of the group? Yea, not much anymore. Not saying it will last. But the first year of your baby’s life, your outfits will consist of comfortable yoga pants, T-shirts, hand bands and whatever you wore yesterday. There’s just not enough time in a day! And you’re not going to have hours to spend in the bathroom applying makeup. Do you know how fast a kid can trash your house? Very, very fast.pexels-photo-motherchildvillage




Do NOT get a new pet when your baby is only a few weeks or months old.  I mainly mean dogs. Especially puppies. They are basically kids themselves. If you’re still getting used to new mommy life, better not get a dog yet. I know you’ve probably seen those moms jogging with a baby in a stroller, dog on a leash in other hand and seem to have their life together. Truth is, she probably had that dog way before her baby got here. Which makes all the difference.pexels-photo-familywithpet

No more get up and go when you want.  Remember when you were sitting at your place alone, bored and your friend calls and say “Hi! Green Day just annouced they are going on tour and there’s a chance to win free tickets at the game bar, wanna come???” “Heck yeah! That sounds like fun! Let me go grab my wallet and …oh yeah, find a sitter on short notice. Uh, maybe you should go without me?” Yeah…that’s your life for at least until they are in school, independent and want to hang with anyone but you.Happiness of young Asian woman lying with blanket on bed in the

You’re going to always be on “borrowed time”. When I first heard the saying “borrowed time” I wondered what exactly did that mean. Well, since I’ve become a parent, I’m always on borrowed time. Meaning, whenever I go to a store or any place I want to take my time at, I can’t. Because at any moment now, my child will cry, scream, need to be changed or be ready to be fed. (I breast feed exclusively) Which means I have to stop what I’m doing and tend to my baby. You can make the baby wait, though I wouldn’t suggest because the screams only get louder and you will be embarrassed. Trust me, even though people know babies cry and whatnot, it’s still embarrassing when your baby is crying in public. So, you will learn how to get things done fast! (which isn’t really a bad thing.)pexels-photo-child-mom

You have to “forfeit” most of your things.  When my son started eating solids and real food, that was big trouble for me. Why? Because that means whatever I eat, he wants or has to have some even if he has the same exact thing on his plate. But no, mommy’s food is better I guess. And if you’re attached to your phone, he’s going to want that, too. Monkey see monkey do. So be careful of what you do in front of the little one. Boy, they learn quick! (mostly the things you don’t want them to learn.) Beware!

You’re going to need a roomier car.  You might get away with keeping that fiat with your fresh newborn but please believe me when I say, baby things are big and bulky. Which leads to having to upgrade your car. There’s a reason why mini vans are so popular with the soccer mom community. pexels-photo-minivandriving

Your love life will change…slightly.  This one is a touchy one. With so many scenarios, it’s hard to pinpoint what would really happen because each situation is different. If you’re married or have a partner, things are going to change a little. But it’s up to you if they get better or worst. That’s where communication and making time for each other really matters. You’ll find yourself having to sneak around being frisky when the kids are away or sleeping instead of being spontaneous. It just makes the little time you do have together even more special.pexels-photo-couplewithwine

Your house will be messier than ever! If you were already somewhat of a slob before kids, prepare to not even be able to move around in your living space. Yes, it does get that bad. Why? Babies have the most gadgets that tend to be big and bulky. You think you might not need it and can get by without it (and maybe you could) but it does make life so much easier with a swing that turns a full 360 or a bouncer that keeps them occupied while you attempt to clean. And with older kids, they tend to have “tunnel vision” and short attention spans. While you’ve just straightened up the living room, little Timmy wants to play with trucks. Oh, wait! There’s a crayon on the floor, let’s color on daddy’s work papers. Hold up! I’m hungry. Let’s eat a cookie but drop half of it on the floor and step on it so crumbs are mashed in the carpet. Yeah…your work is never done.


Yeah…your work is never done. I used to like to hide under the blankets until I felt like getting up and conquering the world again. Can’t do that anymore either unless I want my house to be caught on fire. pexels-photo-sleepingoncouch

Everyone has an opinion.  When the news that I was with child first got out to the world, everyone was excited but everyone also had some sort of advice or opinion. Even those who did not have any children of their own but felt that they had a better opinion than I would since they used to babysit or have a lot of little cousins, nieces, and nephews. It’s totally different when it’s your own. Trust me. You can keep someone else’s kid all day long, but if that kid isn’t living with you full time and you’re not responsible for its well-being, it’s a little different. How? You can’t give these kids back to their parents when they are yours. You have to make arrangements to get a break.

Some people have really great advice! Some people will come across as judging as if your parenting skills lack in some areas. It’s ok. It’s your child. You’re the boss. It doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say. Last time you checked, were they supplying your child the proper care and necessities they need? I didn’t think so. Moving on!pexels-photo-peopletalking

Strangers love babies.  If you’re the type of person who doesn’t like random people talking to you or getting in your personal space, maybe rethink going to crowded public places with your baby. They will come. They will want to see your baby. They will talk to you. They might even try to touch your baby’s foot. Best thing to do is not be a jerk and just smile. It’ll be all over before you know it. pexels-photo-guylookingannoyed

Grandparents will either be your life saver or worst enemy.  I’ve seen some grandparents that would spoil their grandbabies rotten. Even if that means going against the parent’s wishes. On a flip side, I’ve seen some grandparents who felt that they are your kids and they didn’t have any fun making them, so they aren’t going to make things easier for you. It’s not completely black and white, there is a gray area but overall, I think it’s a blessing to have grandparents period. pexels-photo-grandparents

Holidays will mean something completely different. Before, holidays meant going over to your family’s houses to eat and relax and maybe get a few gifts. (Depending on what holiday). Now, it’s all about the kids! Christmas? You’re going out of your way to get them all these big presents that they are only going to play with a few times and forget they had it until a friend comes over and wants to play. It sounds chaotic but once you see their excited little faces open their gifts, you forget about all the debt you got into trying to give them this stuff or how you wanted to teach them to be grateful and that the holidays are about giving not getting. Oh, well. Maybe we will try Easter. pexels-photo-holidayfamily

Even though it sounds bad, you’re going to love it at the end of the day.  It may sound like I’m complaining a lot about my babies, but truth is, I enjoy every moment of it. From the spitting up in my mouth (yes, in my mouth), to head butting me, to late nights and early morning, to being asked the same questions over and over, it’s exhausting but rewarding. When my little guys hug me with their little hands or say “I love you” or kiss me, it’s the best feeling in the world. I love kissing those soft baby cheeks and changing those tiny diapers. I love reading stories and folding their little clothes. These moments go by incredibly quick and just when you’re getting used to this stage of their life, they are now approaching a new one.

So, hold them while you can. Those hassles will turn into memories of when they depended on you. Remember that baby smell. And don’t be lazy. Get out and about with your kids. Let them explore the world. It’s old to you but exciting to them. pexels-photo-sweetfamily

Until next time. Love with all your heart.

 

The best tuna casserole ever! 


There have been so many nights where after a long day, the last thing on my mind is what am I going to make everyone for dinner. And a lot of times, I don’t feel like making a full course meal.


So what could be perfect than a casserole! Think about it: it has everything in it all in one place. Like a dinner dump cake but… not a cake.

And the ingredients are mostly things you already have, give or take a few things.

Another reason I like this recipe so much is that it’s a winner with everyone. Hubby likes it, the kids love it, grandma… even the dog! (I do not give my dog this).

And it’s simple enough plus if you’re on a tight budget, you can get all the ingredients you need from Aldi for less than $10 bucks and maybe have leftovers depending on how hungry everyone is.

Sounds like another win for me.

So, what do you need?

For the usual 9 ×13 dish, I use:

•3 8oz cans of tuna in water.

•1 can of sweet corn niblets

•1 can or frozen package of spinach

• 1 can of mushrooms. (If it’s the little cans, use 2 cans or sliced fresh mushrooms.)

• 1 cup of milk. (I use unsweetened almond milk)

• 2 cans of cream of mushroom (or cream of chicken)

•2 1/2 cups of shredded Mexican cheese.

•Spices. (Pepper, garlic salt, Italian spices, onion powder.)

• half a bag of egg noodles.
First, preheat the oven to 350° degrees. If you want, you can have your egg noodles boiling, though you don’t necessarily need to have them cooked before putting in casserole. The oven will bake them just fine.



Open all your cans. In your casserole dish, start out putting the 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup and milk in the dish. Stir with a fork until creamy and well blended. Put a dash of each of the spices and stir in, also.
I like to put a little cheese into this and stir together. Just a couple of pitches of cheese will do.

Then, add the tuna, mushrooms, spinach, and corn and stir until everything is mixed well.
Throw in the noodles and stir. Make sure to smooth everything out so it’s all laying down and everything is mixed together.
Last, spread cheese on top covering the entire top. Don’t leave any casserole uncovered with cheese.

Throw some more spices on top. And put in the oven for 30-35mins. (Depending on your oven and how you like your casserole to be). Most of the time, the finished product is toasted cheese on top. A little crispy but still delicious. The casserole will bubble and if it’s too watery, let it bake for a few more minutes. Sometimes I had another layer of cheese on top just for appearance.


And after it’s done, let sit for 5-10. It’s really hot and will be hard to cut and won’t take shape well. So cut it but don’t take any pieces out yet until a little cool. It will fall apart.

And finally, enjoy!

If you made this recipe and enjoyed as much as I did, feel free to comment below! Thanks! 🙂

My advice to my children



One of the many things I am proud of in my life thus far is my kids. (including my step kids and god kids). Children are amazing beings. Yes, they can be annoying and disobedient but it’s all a learning experience, right?

One thing kids have taught me is patience and how to exciting the world really is. For someone seeing it for the first time, it’s so amazing. We take those simplicities for granted.

One thing I really want to do is make the world a better place for the kids. And one thing I notice, with technology booming the way it is and is showing no sign of stopping, it’s getting a little difficult for the young generation to know how to do things the “old” way.

Let’s be honest. With all man-made things, they are destined to mess up or break or need repair one time or another, right?



Now, let’s say your dish washer clunks out. Do you know how to properly hand wash your dishes? As funny as it sounds, there are kids out there who don’t know how to do it.

Now, this is not a post about how to properly load a dishwasher or how to change a flat tire, though I have seen so many youngins (including myself) not know how to do something that could save you headache and money.

If I had to give any of my children or anyone’s kids in general advice before they step off into the real world it would be this:

Be kind to others. It’s hard enough making friends. It doesn’t get any easier once you’re an adult and have to with some of these people.sunset-hands-love-woman

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Network. Just knowing what your peers do for a living and keeping contact with them can be better than going to college itself! (Nah, you probably should still get your degree anyway since a lot of employers look for that!)pexels-photo-374592



Learn how to budget. There’s going to be a time where your parents aren’t going to always be there for you to pick up the slack. So, the adult thing to do is to stand on your own two feet. Which means, learn how to use your money accordingly. So, the whole “wants and needs” thing comes in handy. (Do you really need to go to a concert on a Tuesday night when you have a phone bill due on Friday?)

Priories! Goes hand and hand with budgeting. You’re going to find yourself hanging out with friends and thinking to yourself, “I can buy $20 worth of $4 shots because that’s a good deal” but not think about tomorrow when you need a sandwich at lunch between classes. No meal plan? Ooooh…maybe $4 shots wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Learn how to shop. Shopping isn’t just for girls! You’re going to need food and clothes and supplies. And don’t be a “brand snob”. Fruity sugar O’s is just as good as Fruit Loops and will save you a couple more cents that can go towards more food! Doesn’t sound like a lot but it adds up!pexels-photo-264636

Grow up. There’s nothing wrong with handling your own and having your own at 20. You’re legal. You can buy things and work for what you want. Why not take advantage of it? Because God forbid that if something happened to your family, who will really have your back? The world is cold and you’re only going to learn the hard way. Learn to stand on your own two feet while you don’t necessarily have to before you have no choice but to stand on your own two feet.pexels-photo-266023

Own up to your mistakes. We are human. And that means we make mistakes. A LOT of them. That doesn’t make you a bad person unless you are intentionally doing these things. If so, shame on you! So, if you make a mistake or hurt someone, just tell the truth. Be honest. Own up to it. It’s better than trying to come up with a lie that you’re going to have to remember later.woman-dropped-fail-failure

Go to college fresh! Meaning, I would cut ties with that high school boyfriend or girlfriend. As harsh as it sounds, trust me, you’ll thank me later. I learned the hard way. When you go to a new place like college for the first time, you’re in a new world full of people who have the same interest or things in common with you versus coming from high school with a lot of people who didn’t and were trying to figure out who they are themselves. You might find someone who is way more “perfect” than say current S.O.S. And long distant relationship sucks! Not saying it can’t be done. Just saying it’s very hard. Don’t do this to yourself. College is supposed to be the best years of your life. Make it count!

Take every opportunity you can and don’t let no one hold you back! (not even your parents!) I say this and I mean it. If you have an opportunity to travel the world for a year, DO IT. If you have the opportunity to meet some important people that will open doors for you, DO IT. Don’t worry about mom and dad. They will be there waiting. It’s their job to worry. And don’t let your lover hold you back either. Some of the opportunities you will get will only come once in a lifetime and not doing so because of someone else’s selfish reasons is not fair to you and just plain silly. Because to be quite honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, they will do the same and not think twice! So, do it!

Take help that is offered. People are more willing to help a struggling college student than a regular adult. Sad but true. I guess in their eyes, it’s a young adult who is trying to make their way through life and help themselves and not asking for handouts. If you’re an adult not in school, they will figure you should have already had it all figured out and you’re just being lazy. So, if you’re trying to get an intern somewhere, let it be known you’re a student and you’re trying. And work hard at what you do because someone is always watching!pexels-photo

Remember your family. Of course, no one has the perfect ideal family. But family is everything. They are who make you and will be there when all things fall down. Sometimes, you’re lucky to find a friend who is just like family and will be there for you no matter what. Hold them close and hold them tight. So, if your friends want to check out the new bar in town but your nana is having a birthday dinner at your parent’s house, I would suggest you show Nana a little love and catch up with your friends later. Because Nana lived her life and seen a lot and you never know when the last dinner with her will be. So any opportunity is a good opportunity. Plus, there’s always going to be a new hip bar opening up or some cool hang out spot or concert that will be happening. Choose wisely.

Last but not least, make time. You never truly realize how much time you have until you don’t really have much time left at all. What I mean is, being a parent, changed my life. I used to think I didn’t have enough time in a day to do anything while I was still young, in college, and kid-free. But when I had my kids, I realized I had more time than I thought and I took that for granted. All those days of sleeping in or surfing the web or going out with the girls. I could have used that to do better. But at that time, I felt I didn’t have much time. There was never enough time in a day. And now, there’s really never enough time (or money).pexels-photo-100733

That’s just my little advice that I have to offer from what I’ve learned and seen through out the years. In hopes of helping someone be a better person. I really hope my sons will take this advice and use it. Some regrets are a part of life but I would still much rather have as least as possible.

Until next time! Enjoy life!

Quick hummus wrap 


Sometimes I don’t feel like cooking a full on full course meal. Sometimes I want something quick and easy. And maybe I don’t feel like leaving the house to go get fast food or a little low on money to order delivery.



I didn’t really want a sandwich and it was after 9pm (which doesn’t say much in my home).

Being that half of my family are pretty much vegetarian and/or on some kind of carb free diet, needed to come up with something quick.



With a few things I had already just lying around in my kitchen, I threw together a wrap. Who doesn’t like wraps?

Using larger burrito tortillas, hummus, chopped red bell peppers, fresh spinach leaves and just a dash of onion powder (for taste)

Simply spread a thin layer hummus on the tortilla all over. Take about a half hand full of spinach and put them on top. Next, place chopped red bell peppers on top of spinach. Then take each end and fold it a third of the way. Roll the rest of the tortilla like a burrito, firmly. And I like to cut mine in half. But that’s optional of course.

And enjoy! Quick. Simple. Delicious. (And maybe a little healthy *wink*)

How I got out of an abusive relationship

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It’s sad to admit but abusive relationships are more common than you think. And I’m not just talking about physical. I mean emotional and mental as well.

For so long, I didn’t realize I was in an emotional turned physically abusive relationship. It took me 5 years to snap out of it and realize I could have saved myself the heartache if I just would have paid attention to the red flags that were flying rapidly.

But sometimes when you’re in love, you ignore things like that.

Maybe it’s because you feel you know this person intimately and everyone doesn’t know them like you do. Maybe you feel like you’ll never find anyone better so you deal with it in fear of being alone.

Whatever the reason may be, it’s never alright for someone to treat you like you are anything less than amazing.

So, what did I do to get out?

First, I had to decide enough is enough. That was a very hard decision because I have a hard time letting go. But I finally got fed up and told him I wasn’t going to take it anymore.pexels-photo-mad

Then I took action. You can tell someone what you’re going to do all day until you’re blue in the face but it won’t mean anything until you act! So I got a job. I started saving money so I can be on my own. (It’s so much harder to get out when you’re invested but it’s possible).

I made less and less contact with him. It always seems like whenever we would talk, it turned into an argument. We slept in separate rooms. He was barely home and I would stay away as much as I could.


I kept myself busy. I wouldn’t give him a reason to say anything to me. Even on good days where he would feel bad for being mean and try to be nice.pexels-photo-140945

I asked family and friends to help me move out. I did give him notice I was leaving though he didn’t believe me. When the day came, he was upset yet sad and tried to talk me out of it. Stand your ground!clasped-hands-comfort-hands-people-45842

I moved in with a coworker from one of my jobs until I could get my own place. It was a rough 4 months but finally, I was able to get my own apartment and start over fresh.pexels-photo-171053

I was still cordial with him because he wasn’t 100% evil and there were good times sprinkled in there. But he had to understand as much as I, that the relationship was over and there wasn’t any patching up taking place. It was best for both of us. Unfortunately,  our fur babies suffered a bit during the transition.



When a relationship ends, someone will always get hurt more than the other. It’s never mutual.

And the first few weeks are the hardest. You’re so used to being with someone and now all of a sudden, you’re single. And maybe you don’t know how to be single anymore. But don’t let that get you into another relationship. Rebounds aren’t usually a good idea.

Like any relationship coming to an end, someone always gets hurt more than the other. And it’s the same for rebounds. You jump in with this person just because you aren’t used to being alone anymore, then, later on, figure out that you didn’t really like that person anyway. Maybe it was just for a good time and nothing more.

In some cases, you might not make it out Scott free. You could be left with a stalker or a baby or worst, something you can’t get rid of.

There’s nothing wrong with a little fun but be cautious.

After 10 months of working, studying in school, hanging with new friends and just being me, I found myself not crying about him anymore. I didn’t feel that pinching pain in my chest whenever I think of him or heard his name. Certain songs didn’t remind me of him. 10 months is awfully quick to get over someone you’ve been with for years but our relationship was ending way before I decided it was really over. I just had to learn how to stop fighting for something that wasn’t there.


After a few months of being alone, I was lucky enough to meet the real man of my dreams.

Of course, we took it slow. And going into another relationship after almost a year isn’t half bad. I would make sure I’m completely over Mr. EX and make sure new Mr. RIGHT is over whomever as well. Start fresh! It’s exciting, new and you deserve it!

Until next time, relax. It will indeed, be alright.

Why dating an older man made me better.

[Quick disclaimer: I’m not promoting young girls (teens) to date older men (20s-and beyond) This is from my experience. Example- I, myself being 25 and dating someone 31 or something.]

Now, before you get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with dating someone your own age. There are perks to any age, really. (Though, I personally didn’t have the best experience dating a younger guy.)



I’ve always been into older guys, within reason. For me, the most important thing was the understanding and the mindset. When I was in high school, the guys there were just worried about all the wrong things. Why did it matter if I dressed in the latest trends or if I was in the “cool crowd”. I didn’t care about all that because, at the end of the day, I had my mind set on something. And that was getting the heck out of my small hometown! Boys could wait. But when I did get a boyfriend, he was out of high school (don’t worry, it was only a 3 year age difference.)

And in that almost-year-long relationship, I’ve learned so much that not even my mom could have taught me. I would have to say, it was a good experience at the end of the day. And I got out of it alive and yes, still a virgin. He wasn’t the type of older guy that would have taken advantage of me like a lot of guys I met along the way. (i.e. college town football player) but there were moments where we crossed that time where he would want something I wasn’t quite ready for. And you know what? That was ok! Because it was my choice.

I loved the fact that he had his own car, had a job, didn’t have a curfew and had his own money. Those were huge pluses for a 17-year-old girl. And honestly, still is a grown woman. All those things were great, but after him and I split, I got into my next relationship with an even more older guy and that’s when the lessons really came in.pexels-photo-386009


When you date older men, sometimes that comes with baggage and if you’re not quite ready yet for such, it might be best to slow down and go back to the drawing board. And that’s totally not a bad thing. Be honest with yourself. Because I’m telling you, when you’re a young, wild and free shy of 20 years old, the world is so new and exciting. And things are fun and new. And you get with someone who’s a bit older who’s “been there, done that” and let’s say have kids? Yeah, that’s when things take a whole new turn for you. You’re now a step mom whether you like it or not. And if the mother of the kids aren’t as friendly as you thought, there’s another issue. And it doesn’t really get better from that point. You’ll hope it would be simple as saying, “Hey, you need me to go get the kids?” but it’s almost never as easy as you would like it to be. And before you know it, you’re the bad guy and you’ll still be wondering how did you become the bad guy. The mother, for some reason, will always have something against you, where she chooses to be mature about it or not. And even if you guys are cordial, there’s always that little hint of jealousy that will pop out from time to time, even if she claims to have moved on and doesn’t care about your guy. (she cares.)pexels-photo-247200

As long as things remain respectable, that’s the important thing but I won’t guarantee that it will be or always will be. And that’s the thing you just have prepare yourself for. But hopefully, your guy will be the bigger person and be more mature about it. Because it’s not easy being the middle man but that’s where he’s going to be if he chooses to get with someone new other than his children’s mother. And that’s another battle that you’re more than likely won’t win. Even if the mother is absolutely wrong, you will have to stand down because if you come between a man and his kids, it’s a losing battle for you. Especially if he loves his kids. (which we would hope he does).

But that’s just one aspect. There’s also the maturity level that you hope for. Being an “art kid” in my high school days, I lacked understanding from those my age. And even in college where I was surrounded by tons of like-minded peers, I still had those moments where I was misunderstood. I’ve had some guys who looked at me as naive and at times, I was. But I wasn’t looking for a father-figure and a boyfriend to also be my daddy. No. I just wanted someone who can take me out and show me a good time. Someone who didn’t think walking through the park feeding ducks was boring or someone who gave practical gifts I could use instead of 6-inch heels that I could only wear with one outfit on one occasion.pexels-photo-couplewithwine

On another side of it all, you have all the judgments and opinions from dear friends and family. It’s your life, so who cares? Everyone, apparently. That’s where you will have to learn to tune people out for whatever they are saying. And the best advice I could give on this subject is to leave people out of your relationship. Don’t tell your friends of all the bad times and some of the good times because no matter how great he is, they will always remember the bad times. And then you will look like the fool for staying with them because you can do so much better. But there are always two sides to every story and they are only hearing your side. So to be fair, if you’re going to discuss your relationship, at least let him explain his side as well. Think about it. When you tell someone what happened. It may have happened just the way you said it, but you might have left out one part. Maybe he didn’t say you were a brat, he said you were acting like one. But you heard something else.


People are biased. If they love you, they want the best for you. And even if they are jealous of you and don’t want you to be happy, still going to have an opinion on why you shouldn’t be with this person or why they suck.

I’ve learned that older guys tend to not like to “play any games”. All those days of trying to flirt with other guys in front of him to make him jealous or not answering the phone when he makes you mad are over. You can mean the world to him but more than likely, he’s not going to want to play any games and there goes the “I love you but I can’t do this”.

But this isn’t all older guys, of course.



On a flip side, you do have some older guys who think they can take advantage of you because you are young.

So, what have I learned? In my experience, dating an older guy made me better all around. (especially the guy I’m married to). He makes me feel valued as a person and coming from previous relationships helped. It helped in a way that gave us both the sense of what we did want and what we didn’t want and mistakes not to make again. And dating an older guy seems to have taught him patience but also taught me maturity and made me appreciate the simpler things in life. And also, being held accountable for my own actions and owning up to things.

Dating an older guy opened my eyes to new things and experiences. Some things I could do with someone my age or younger, sure. But I guess it just feels different. And being looked at as a person and not being judged based on material things.pexels-photo-298863

Once again, just my experience. It varies. There are some older men out there that haven’t quite grown up or stuck in the bachelor lifestyle and just shouldn’t be in a relationship.

But for me, I’m thankful for my decision and how things worked out. And I’m thankful for what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown as a woman.

Experience is the best teacher! And in my experience, I think older worked for me.

Until next time, love with all your heart but don’t take no mess!